Like I said- tonight is not different than any other night... true... but it dawned on me today that this is the sixth consecutive month that I've had to deal with insomnia.
Six months.
The first three months I stuck it out as best as I could. Don't get me wrong- it was really difficult. It's hard enough to try to calm yourself down, or to find a stopping point in your day, to get to a point where you're ready for bed. Then you wait... and wait... and wait. Then nothing. Nothing happens at all.
The late night news comes on.... nothing.
The block of re-runs starts... and nothing.
Once I hit the "paid programming" hours I'm torn between lack-of-sleep frustration and the fact that, yes!, I do need a device that is a strainer AND colander in one. Dang it! My purse is in the car!
Three months of sleeping in until 11am and scheduling my life later in the day became old fast. Insert Unisom. It works very well. The latter part of the last six months has been easier because of it.
Prior to the past six months I never had insomnia. Sure, I've had some nights where I'm stuck counting sheep, but nothing that touched the beginnings of insomnia. While I was counting sheep my mind naturally starts to wander in and out of various thoughts. This is what I dislike most about insomnia- besides the not sleeping part- .....the fact that your mind doesn't turn off. At least for me.
At this time of night all of the thoughts from the day flood my brain. "Did I say the right thing? Should I have handled ___ differently? Why did I forget dog food? What if __ happens? Will I remember to thaw out chicken breast in the morning or should I write myself a note? How long until ___ ... and what if ___?"
The small head represents the thoughts that keep you up at night... they kill you. Slowly and softly. These past six months have been killing me ever so slowly and softly. The anxieties and worries contribute to the insomnia, and the insomnia cues the anxieties and worries.
Outsiders reading this post might be thinking, "Crap! What the heck has her so worked up?" To which I say, "Ha! Take a seat while I explain..." In all honesty the worries and anxieties have a more of a dull, quiet presence than a complete roadblock in my daily functions.
Will the insomnia ever end?
Yes.
Hopefully, yes.
The past week or so has been getting slightly better. Bedtime is coming in sights at 12am instead of 2 or 3 am. I've been dreaming more at night and have been able to recall bits and pieces of them the followling day. Instead of nesting myself on the couch I've been finding myself heading to the ACTUAL bed. Even reading for a little bit makes my eyelids heavy.
I know that insomnia will go away eventually. I also know that the anxieties and worries will still be hanging out, too. They just won't be sharing the couch with me while order a strainer AND colander at 3 am.
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*I published this post the following day.
1 comment:
I think I would seriously go NUTS if I had insomnia. Hang in there. In the end it will be okay, if it's not okay, then it isn't the end.
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