a few words about a few pictures

lost among the numerous folders of pictures that need to be forever archived on another hosting website are these pictures that were never blogged about. (someone please, please, please tie me down and force me to stop being lazy about backing up my pictures before something terrible happens!) it's so hard for me to wrap my head around the following images. they were taken in march. march, people!

to some these are just a few pictures of her first park experience. for me i see these pictures differently- from a mama-point-of-view. trying to memorize and drill those little, subtle details of her in this moment into my brain so they won't be forgotten. her lack of hair... her cankles that look like a busted can of biscuits... her little hand that always pops up... the way she looks so much like d in the first picture... the way she can look so much like d and myself at the same time... the last of her dark, newborn hair hanging on for dear life on the back of her head... the softness of her jacket... the smell of her fuzzy head... the weight of her body...

this mama thing can be rough at times. constantly being forced to move forward while trying not to forgot those little things in the past that you wish you had just a little bit more of and time with. she propels forward into the future no matter how hard much i hold onto her and drag my heels with her past in my other arm. i'm realizing that this may never go away. okay, motherhood, you win this little skirmish.

i can't help but silently giggle at birdie's reaction to her first experience on the swings. i'm sure her disapproving cries could be heard echoing throughout the neighborhood. not even the comfort of this mama's arms could pursue her to enjoy the gentle back-and-forth motion. her mind was made up- this is not fun, guys! my heart sank a little. i so wanted her to enjoy the experience of freely flying through the air. with a little time, and some more coaxing, her mind made a 180-degree turn. she decided to tolerate sitting in the swing chair and very, very small pushes. wasn't long before the pushes were larger and her time on the swings became longer with more smiles and laughs. now we can't walk by the park without her kicking her legs in wild excitement at the sight of the swings. while i can distract her now if there's no time for a quick little swing, i know it won't be long before her protesting cries can be heard around the neighborhood again.

she's independent, this birdie-bird of ours. can't convince her to do anything before she's ready. i love that about her.

All Together Again

d has finally made his way back home to us. i'm very proud to say that he passed his training course and is a nationally registered emt. (woo hoo!) the last 18 months have been a non-stop roller coaster ride of moving- 4 to be exact- and separations while trying to maintain some type of normalcy for raising a little.

i'd be lying if i said i haven't been worried about d and birdie's bond. afterall, they didn't get that time after her birth. he came home from school during her fourth month of life and then had to leave again 4 months later. likewise for d- when he left for school the first time i was very, very pregnant. he became a father over skype, video messages, text messages and facetime. when he came back he suddenly had to get to know this little being while finding his own rhythm of parenting.

at times i would panic over it. i'd keep others from holding birdie as a way to "save her" for d as if she had a limited number of times she could be held by others. i would show her pictures of d everyday. it always made me happy, especially during our last separation, that she would break into a large smile and a quiet little giggle when she saw his face. but, then, a thought would creep into my head- is she smiling because she recognizes him or is she smiling because it's a picture of a person smiling?

the first few hours of d arrival back home was a little difficult. birdie screamed when d said hello to her in  our car at the airport. i chalk this reaction up to a few things- she was mad she was in the car seat, she was tired, i suspected the beginnings of a fever (turned out to be right later that night), and i think she thought d was a doctor. (she had been seen by the doctor a couple times that week- all of them male- and was not thrilled either time. thrilled= understatement.)

with a little bit of time, patience and some reassuring loves from mama- these two were peas in a pod in no time.

in the short time he's been home i no longer worry about their bond. she gives him her biggest grins and belly laughs, shouts to get his attention, cuddles, asks for him to hold her and looooves to rough house with him. she remembers the little games they used to play together. yep, their bond is still intact. my mama-heart is so happy when they're together.