List It Out

One of the best things a counselor taught me was to list my thoughts, emotions, fears, stresses, etc. out on a piece of paper as a way to not keep it all in. (I tend to be a firework... keep it all in until one thing sets me off.) This is one of the easiest things for me to do because I. love. lists.

I've struggled with this blog lately because I feel like it's constantly nagging me to update it. And it's right... I desperately need to update it. I find this harder to do now that we're (mainly me) homeless and bouncing between Central and Southern California. At the same time I think back to when D went to bootcamp two years ago, and how blogging helped pass that time. Well, that and walking Bogey 14+ hours each day. I still feel slightly awkward updating this ball and chain when I feel like I have nothing that interesting going on. On the contrary, I love reading other people's blogs even if it's just what they did that week.

So I'm combining my need to update with my love of listing.

1. As previously mentioned- I'm homeless. We moved out of base housing up north and drove a VERY packed Subie down to California with our two furry fart heads. D is back east for school for the next 5 months.

2. Separating from D this time around was easier than the first time. I lovelovelove that I can call him everyday and hear what he's up to.

3. I love our families. I love the time that I have to bounce between the two, and visit with those I haven't seen much of in the past couple of years.

4. I've only had one freak out. (Insert me patting my own back) I learned that I should not make major decisions when I'm upset. I also learned that I love my dog-dogs so. incredibly. much. For as much as they drive me up a wall they also bring so much comfort to my life.

5. I've decided that the next 5 months is me time: No medications. No doctor appointments. Cry when I want, but move forward. Focus on the blessings I have. Find happiness in the smallest things. Start working out again. (Wait... whaat?)

6. Got a new laptop and new phone. Woop woop! I feel so fancy that I have all my music on my phone!

7. Loving the sun and heat that California provides. I barely have clothes to stay cool but after two years in cold isolation- I think I'll deal.

8. Pinterest destroyed my life. And I blame Megan. But I have a lot of projects that I'll be tackling soon.

9. I love that I have two suitcases and a box that I'll be living out of for awhile... but I equally hate it, too.

10. I'm so looking forward to upcoming events and visiting friends.

Party's Over

Earlier this evening I was stalking browsing facebook and I found out some new information from a status update of a friend. Quite honestly the information stung me. Hard. It's interesting that information like this should still sting because, logically, I should be used to it by now.

Cue the pity party!

The next hour consisted of me preparing for the party, figuratively. I put up the decorations, filled the air with music, sprinkled the counter tops with finger foods and put on my best party dress. Then I waited for people to knock on the door even though I know people are not coming. Yet, I anxiously walk around the house asking myself what's taking people so long to arrive.

Then, somehow, I came upon more information about this friend's status update and I froze. Vaguely- there was no longer a reason for me to consumed by my pity. I ache for this person and hope I never have to deal with the same situation.

So. I turned off the party music. I carefully took down and packed away the decorations. The food was placed back in the fridge. I took off my party dress and threw it in the hamper. Finally, I turned off the porch light and locked the front door. The pity party was officially over.

While I'm enjoying a hot shower tonight I'll be reflecting upon the following words, that were spoken at the most recent Relief Society General Conference. I'm hoping that tomorrow's General Conference will give me more peace and comfort and that it will do the same for my aforementioned friend.

"...God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect... this drives us to create expectations for ourselves that are impossible to meet...everyone has strengths and weaknesses...it’s wonderful that you have strengths... and it is part of your mortal experience that you do have weaknesses... please remember also to be compassionate and patient with yourself..."

- Dieter F. Uchtdorf