oh! heeey!

can we take a second and talk about how super, super, super behind i am on this gosh darn blog? obviously it's true. crickets can be heard for miles, tumbleweeds are blowing by and dust is accumulating on this little web space of mine. (and also around my house but we won't get into that.) there's nothing that states, "i'm crazy busy!" better than a blog that hasn't been updated in over a month.

instead of a million different posts all nicely organized by event- with coordinating pictures of course- here's just a teeny, tiny peek at our life as of late. and by late i mean from june-ish until now. yikes.

row 1: family date night / selling mama-made ring slings / a back-roads walk / birdie's room decor- all mama made.

row 2: pink, sparkly toes / post-bath kissies / packers #1 cheerleader / birthday celebration at a baseball game

row 3: grammy visited / mama made mock up of birdie's flower girl attire / it's still hot in 'bama but it's fall in our house / this guy is getting older and handsomer (new word)

row 4: lots of storms but no hurricanes yet / pre-bedtime story time / visit from auntie / sleep issues finally under control

not pictured: countless mosquito bites, prep for our trip to hawaii (!), countless projects that have been started but not finished, d brewing his own kombucha, keeping up with my young women girls, doing cross fit work outs, watching lots and lots of football with friends, cleaning up after a curious, mobile baby, my new part-time job, playgroups, mila is cruising and finally lovin' table foods, fighting bugs, new tires (!) and all the other day to day stuff that requires attention or randomly pops up. whew.

the last night i rocked her to sleep as a baby

the day i've been dreading has finally arrived: mila-bird is 1 year old today.

last night as i rocked and nursed her to sleep before bedtime i soaked up the last ounces of her baby-ness. i had a small wave of nostalgia for her teeny tiny newborn days. i thought about our 3.5 years of infertility and all the emotions involved. i thought about all of our time spent playing and cheering her on as she accomplished little milestones. i could feel the tears welling up as i continued to rock her, her eyes so heavy that she couldn't possibly hold them open any longer.

and then she lets out a large toot. a smile washes over her face. she opens her eyes for a few seconds and lets out a little, raspy giggle. i can't help but giggle with her.

okay.

maybe this new adventure into toddlerhood will be fun.

but, part of me will always, always long for those first days with her.



happy birthday, mila-bird. you are our greatest adventure.

it's at this point that i have to admit that i have no idea what i'm doing

preparing for a new baby in your home- no matter which way a child comes to you- opens up a whole new world to the inexperienced. the day that we found out about birdie's much anticipated arrival was our first taste of this. d, sitting on the couch in as much shock as i was, asked me, "well.... what do we do now?" still pacing back in forth in utter disbelief i answer excitedly, "i have no idea! i only know how to get pregnant not be pregnant!" and so this was my first introduction to the unknown world of motherhood.

each month was spent learning about my current, pregnant state. "what to expect when you're expecting" became my first manual and guide into the unknown. in the latter part of pregnancy we added in a birthing class and la leche league meetings. through all of this we learned, well, what to expect. we learned the language of pregnancy and newborns: non-stress tests, group strep b, braxton-hicks, dialation, effacing, stages, apgars ... the list goes on and on. we wrote up my birth plan and all that would entail. yes to this, no to that, ask before proceeding in this scenario. typed, printed and signed. we're ready, i'm ready- let's do this.

then birdie debuts.

she's finally here.

fast forward. in short, things i thought i would never do i end up doing. while i never intended to have a set plan of how to raise our children i learned, quickly, to trust my instincts and not always follow the crowd. it's apparent that some things that work for a friend's child will not always work for my own. not to mention when you hit a rough spot, look for solutions and find very one-sided viewpoints for or against a certain method. there are so many theories on different aspects of child-rearing. for a newbie like myself it can be intimidating. "research finds..." becomes an equally comforting and frustrating phrase. no matter what theory you side with or dip your toes in to explore it seems as though there's always someone bullying, questioning or speaking out against your choice. i've done it. i'm sure most mama's are guilty of it. fortunately birdie doesn't give us any major loops to deal with. she's our easy-peasy baby.

and then some changes occur that are much needed for a happier baby and happier parents.

birdie throws us an expected loop... but a loop nonetheless. our parenting strategy must shift. support is sought, different theories are explored, "research finds...", and questioning begins. and that's fine... and that's expected. but, honestly, when it's 3am and you're exhausted and equally frustrated as your child- if not more- all of that doesn't really help. it's at this point that i have to admit that i have no freaking idea what i'm doing. i start to question how my current approach will effect her in the long run. i question how much longer i can ride this out. i start questioning everything. that's a tough place to be. my saving grace is that children are born with the divine characteristic of being very resilient. i'm hoping that extends to new mama's, too.

birdie celebrates her first birthday in less than a week. (whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!) the challenge we're facing now will seem like nothing as she continues to grow. i have to remind myself that it's okay to not have a solution right now. finding something that works will take time anyways, right? i'll continue to celebrate the good days and treat the bad ones with a nap and lots of chocolate.

....where did i put those hershey's kisses?

a few words about a few pictures

lost among the numerous folders of pictures that need to be forever archived on another hosting website are these pictures that were never blogged about. (someone please, please, please tie me down and force me to stop being lazy about backing up my pictures before something terrible happens!) it's so hard for me to wrap my head around the following images. they were taken in march. march, people!

to some these are just a few pictures of her first park experience. for me i see these pictures differently- from a mama-point-of-view. trying to memorize and drill those little, subtle details of her in this moment into my brain so they won't be forgotten. her lack of hair... her cankles that look like a busted can of biscuits... her little hand that always pops up... the way she looks so much like d in the first picture... the way she can look so much like d and myself at the same time... the last of her dark, newborn hair hanging on for dear life on the back of her head... the softness of her jacket... the smell of her fuzzy head... the weight of her body...

this mama thing can be rough at times. constantly being forced to move forward while trying not to forgot those little things in the past that you wish you had just a little bit more of and time with. she propels forward into the future no matter how hard much i hold onto her and drag my heels with her past in my other arm. i'm realizing that this may never go away. okay, motherhood, you win this little skirmish.

i can't help but silently giggle at birdie's reaction to her first experience on the swings. i'm sure her disapproving cries could be heard echoing throughout the neighborhood. not even the comfort of this mama's arms could pursue her to enjoy the gentle back-and-forth motion. her mind was made up- this is not fun, guys! my heart sank a little. i so wanted her to enjoy the experience of freely flying through the air. with a little time, and some more coaxing, her mind made a 180-degree turn. she decided to tolerate sitting in the swing chair and very, very small pushes. wasn't long before the pushes were larger and her time on the swings became longer with more smiles and laughs. now we can't walk by the park without her kicking her legs in wild excitement at the sight of the swings. while i can distract her now if there's no time for a quick little swing, i know it won't be long before her protesting cries can be heard around the neighborhood again.

she's independent, this birdie-bird of ours. can't convince her to do anything before she's ready. i love that about her.

beachy keen

one of the things i loved about the last three houses we lived in was the closeness to some of the most beautiful beaches. at a moment's notice we could head outside, walk for 5-10 minutes and enjoy the sand, waves and sea mist. gosh, i miss it. there's something truly therapeutic about being able to leave everything else behind, physically and mentally, and focusing on your senses while being in that moment. it's cool and calm. plus, i miss watching our pup-pups anxiously squirm as they wait for us to release them off their leashes so they can bolt down the shoreline, barking as they race to catch seagulls. finding sand in every crevice later in the day is a small reminder of the fun and tranquility that was had earlier in the day.

prior to moving to alabama we decided to change things up a bit, opting to live more in the country than by the water. after all- it'd only add minutes and a short car ride to our beach commute. a short little 15 minute drive isn't too shabby. truly a testament of how little we knew about lower alabama. that short little drive is actually a minimum of 45 minutes to the nearest beach. what the what?! we were really spoiled prior to this. 

just about every weekend we trek 45 minutes to almost 1.5 hours- depending on the beach- to get our salt water fix. we've come to find that florida has some of the most beautiful beaches we've ever seen, and love that it's become a mini-vacation every time we go. d and i cannot get over how flat the beaches are here in alabama- the terrain and waves. no matter which beach we visit the 80* water gives us some cooling relief from the humid summer heat.

A Pickin' We Will Go

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around the corner and down the road a couple of miles from our little home is a you-pick farm. i've driven by it about a dozen times and each time i do i'm suddenly reminded that we have not been. finally, d and i set a date to go as a family. i waited and waited impatiently for him to get home early from work so we could jet over to the farm before it got too hot. mother nature clearly had other plans- rain, rain, and rain. we headed over anyways and, turns out, picking blueberries and vegetables in the rain kept us slightly cooler than usual. two hours, a gallon of blueberries, a five gallon bucket packed with various vegetables and $20 later we were all happy campers. extremely hot, but happy.

our picked blueberries barely lasted a few days- eating them nearly ice cold has been our favorite summer treat. we'll be back very, very soon, you-pick farm. i predict a berry cobbler in our future.

One of Those Saturdays

this is our first coast guard move that has us living far from the beach. c'mon, we're in the gulf coast- shouldn't we have a little more coast in our lives? you mean we have to pack up our car and travel to the beach? clearly we've been spoiled in the past when we lived thisclose to the ocean. on a side note: we're also in hurricane country and i will never regret living far from the beach whenever a severe storm heads our way. but it's deceiving to be married to a coast guard rescue swimmer- that surfs- who's stationed on the gulf coast and be 40 minutes from the nearest beach. i mean, really. 

we schemed earlier in the week to make the upcoming saturday a family beach day. we woke up early, packed up our car, dressed birdie in her swimsuit, kissed our doggies goodbye and prayed that they didn't destroy anything in our absence. along our way we stopped at a local farmers market. we wandered through isles of fresh produce, flowers and baked goods. d and i left with a power snack and a bag of sweet peaches. 

we had so much fun playing in the waves and body surfing. mila-bird had a blast splashing around in the gulf. it was one of those beach saturdays were even i kept saying over and over, "this is so much fun!" it's been a long time since i've actually played in the waves. it also helps that it was a thousand degrees outside, despite the rain clouds, and the water temperature was into the eighties. 

we cut our beach time a little short as we wore out our little bird. we were also invited to a last minute baseball game, and wanted to have plenty of time to shower, change and tend to our doggies before we left for the game. 

i honestly couldn't tell you who won the baseball game. my hot dog and diet coke did absolutely nothing to take away the heat and humidity (holy. cow.) but we had a blast sharing mila's first baseball game with friends. our day was as much fun as it was busy... and i'm still trying to get the sand out of our beach stuff. 

Park It

summer is rapidly approaching in mobile. our weather has soared into the high 80's and low 90's. insert my central valley friends and family scoffing and rolling their eyes at that last sentence. not so fast. we're in the south where the humidity is constant. it makes our heat index seem comparable to those triple digit california days. evenings are, in my opinion, the best part of the day. the heat lets up just enough to enjoy put up with being outside.

seems like every time i'm driving around town i find a new park that i haven't seen before. there are so many places for our little family to play, including a little park in our subdivision. over memorial weekend we took a break from our various projects we have in the works to take birdie to explore veteran's memorial park. while the playground was large and loads of fun (this mama was really stoked to play on a few things) it was just out of birdie's developmental reach.

we settled for a little hike on the walking trails. when fighting mosquitoes became too much (understatement) we sought the comfort of the air conditioner in our car and headed back home to play at our little park closer to home.

we ended the day as we typically do- a baby birdie playing on a blanket in the grass, exploring whatever she can get her hands on, while the sun begins to set in our backyard. i foresee a lot more days like this in our future.