a few words about a few pictures

lost among the numerous folders of pictures that need to be forever archived on another hosting website are these pictures that were never blogged about. (someone please, please, please tie me down and force me to stop being lazy about backing up my pictures before something terrible happens!) it's so hard for me to wrap my head around the following images. they were taken in march. march, people!

to some these are just a few pictures of her first park experience. for me i see these pictures differently- from a mama-point-of-view. trying to memorize and drill those little, subtle details of her in this moment into my brain so they won't be forgotten. her lack of hair... her cankles that look like a busted can of biscuits... her little hand that always pops up... the way she looks so much like d in the first picture... the way she can look so much like d and myself at the same time... the last of her dark, newborn hair hanging on for dear life on the back of her head... the softness of her jacket... the smell of her fuzzy head... the weight of her body...

this mama thing can be rough at times. constantly being forced to move forward while trying not to forgot those little things in the past that you wish you had just a little bit more of and time with. she propels forward into the future no matter how hard much i hold onto her and drag my heels with her past in my other arm. i'm realizing that this may never go away. okay, motherhood, you win this little skirmish.

i can't help but silently giggle at birdie's reaction to her first experience on the swings. i'm sure her disapproving cries could be heard echoing throughout the neighborhood. not even the comfort of this mama's arms could pursue her to enjoy the gentle back-and-forth motion. her mind was made up- this is not fun, guys! my heart sank a little. i so wanted her to enjoy the experience of freely flying through the air. with a little time, and some more coaxing, her mind made a 180-degree turn. she decided to tolerate sitting in the swing chair and very, very small pushes. wasn't long before the pushes were larger and her time on the swings became longer with more smiles and laughs. now we can't walk by the park without her kicking her legs in wild excitement at the sight of the swings. while i can distract her now if there's no time for a quick little swing, i know it won't be long before her protesting cries can be heard around the neighborhood again.

she's independent, this birdie-bird of ours. can't convince her to do anything before she's ready. i love that about her.