A couple weeks ago I was exchanging pleasantries with a woman that I had seen a few times at our church. Waiting for our instructional class to start we started chatting, both of us holding our sleeping littles in our arms. (Her child being their youngest)
Our conversation, naturally, turned to our kids. Just like most everyone else we meet while out and about she asked me if Birdie was a good eater, sleeper and such. I responded with simple answers. "So, have you figured out which kind you are?" My mind went blank.
"Uh.... I'm... A...girl...?" Was my first thought. Clearly she could see that and wasn't referring to my gender.
"I'm sorry... What kind of what?" I asked.
She replied, "Oh, have you figured out what kind of parent you are yet?"
Well, heh, that's a new one I haven't been asked.
After a little more prompting on my part I answered her question: "... exclusively breastfeeding but I do pump for storage... We co-sleep.... Oh, no, she's usually in my arms through out most of the day... Yes, I typically hold or lay next to her during naps unless we're out... We only really let her cry it out if we're in the car, and only until we're able to safely stop...." Yes on that, no we don't do that, yada, yada, yada...
"Oh!!! You guys do attachment parenting! We do that as well!" My new friend happily proclaimed. At that moment our attention was called by the instructor who was beginning to start his lesson. She mouthed, "We'll chat later," to me and promptly turned around.
Meanwhile, I was increasingly becoming confused. "What. The. What?! How the heck did I just get thrown into the attachment parenting category?! Those people are weird hippy parents who, like, don't own televisions and do... weird... hippy stuff!" I thought. Seven-ish minutes later I was in the mother's room. While Birdie was enjoying a mid-morning snack I was on my phone googling "attachment parenting."
And then it hit me. I was one of them. Aw, crap, how did this happen? Why did I not know this? I was confused... Was I happy to have this label or ... not? I didn't know. I mean, yeah, we do everything that is categorized as attachment parenting but some things we don't do all the way... Or 100% of the time.
Fast forward to earlier this week. Mentioning that we don't let Birdie "cry it out" to a family friend got this person instantly spitting out reasons why we should and how it's wrong of us to do so. I explained, sweetly, our reasons why we don't. Before I changed the conversation this person was getting pretty heated in her argument. I didn't take it personally and found her reaction almost humorous. This is not the first time we've been in this situation with someone.
I've been thinking about these two things the past week or so. I think it's so interesting how strongly parents feel about how other people parent. Is it for validatation purposes? As though everyone not doing it a certain way is wrong because that's not the way you're doing it? Is it an intimidation thing? Like someone you respect, for example, puts their baby on a very precise sleeping schedule and because you don't, or can't, the other person is automatically not parenting correctly?
I know I'm only 5 months into this whole parenting thing and so it could be argued that my knowledge and experience is extremely limited. It's true in some ways. However... Just like every other mother I know what works best for my child and our family. I parent the way that has come natural to me. I know I'm parenting correctly as I love my child, she's clean, fed, has shelter and is safe... Her basic needs are constantly met.
Every child is different and, I feel, doesn't always fall under one parenting category. This is what works for us now. Who knows- maybe in a few years we switch to a different theory. Or maybe we don't. Chances are we'll pick up lots of different tools that we'll throw into our parenting backpack. (Like Dora the Explorer's bag only it doesn't sing and, also, is not annoying) As our Bird grows or situations arise we can pick and pull from that bag the different ways to go about things.
Hi, my name is Wifey and I (we) practice attachment parenting.
Whew! The first step is admittance...
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